i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
