After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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