I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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