Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
