he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
