we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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