just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
only if we run a train.
done.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
