I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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