sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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