I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
