Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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