dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
God I need to hump something, right now.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
