My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
