Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
