I seem to have left my pride at pride
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
