Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
