Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
