like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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