I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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