Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
