I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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