I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
