new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
she peed on how many people?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
