I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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