ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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