i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
