Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
