doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
