I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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