Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
