Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
