there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
