So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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