we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
