she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
