Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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