He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I didn't notice because vodka
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
