hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
