Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
