trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
