Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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