Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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