Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
