hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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