This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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