Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
