does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Randomize
