Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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