I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
