i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
