he puts the penis in happiness.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
