I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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