Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
