and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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